We recently had someone renting a home from us complain about finding a hair on the counter. To fill in the back story- the renters before them were slobs- and our house was left a mess. The cleaners did their best but ran out of time to thoroughly clean. So- these renters arrived to find the place not meeting their expectations (or ours- but we lived 1500 miles away). So- this new renter started seeing things that weren’t clean enough and sending me pictures to prove it, including a “stray hair” on the counter.
What’s the point of me telling you this? Because I find it an excellent analogy for how we find fault with things when we are looking for them. Should she have seen a stray hair on the counter? No. But how many “stray hairs” had she overlooked in her life because she wasn’t looking for them?
We all focus on the “stray hairs” we see in other people and situations. If I believe someone is rude, guess what I look for? Examples of “stray hairs” to support and eventually solidify that belief.
How many “stray hairs” do you see in your life because you are looking for them? Maybe you believe that your co-worker is lazy, your spouse doesn’t care enough about you, or even that the drivers around you are stupid. You start looking for the “stray hairs” that reinforce that belief.
Once our beliefs become increasingly embedded in the fabric of our lives, a couple of things happen. One is that we spend less and less time questioning the assumption. We have developed such a strong “knowing” woven into our reactions that we accept it as unquestionable truth. What was once a “stray hair” is now a firmly held belief.
I invite you to bring your attention to the “stray hairs” in your life- what are you believing and then seeing that is not for the greater good of the relationship? What “stray hairs” are you pursuing, always on the lookout for?
I encourage you to consider the impact of that. And guess what? Others are looking for your “stray hairs.” What a tangled mess we make of our relationships with others when we don’t do the work to get present to them. To see them not as a truth but perhaps an anomaly- an opportunity to have grace.
Join us on Thursday, March 16, 2023, on Zoom as we unpack some of the 'Perils of Expectations' and get to work
on untangling the mess we make with our relationships.
Register for the Noon (CST) session
or 7:00 pm (CST) session